Wanting to go deeper

Today has been a much better day than yesterday. I stayed home all day until choir practice time. Got several loads of laundry done and folded. I learned and taught a new song. And relaxed and watched last night's Bachelor while feeding Ainsley throughout the day. (HA. Side note. Ainsley is in her bassinet cooing at her mobile and kicking her legs and her feet just touched one of the hanging bears.) Anyway... I've lost all faith in the process of the Bachelor, but whatever... it's good entertainment. I really don't even care who Brad ends up with this time. :)

Last Friday night we went to our Houston Revival Conference at First Church of Pearland. Anthony Mangun was the special speaker. His message was about prayer. It so moved both Shawn and I. I want to have a deeper relationship with God. If I don't do it now, it will never happen. I will wake up and my life will be gone and I'll be the same person I am right now. There are so many things that I know God wants to do through me, but if I don't give Him time to speak to me He may find someone else to use. I want to be the one He uses.

Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs that really speaks how I'm feeling tonight:

I give myself away

I give myself away so You can use me

Here I am

Here I stand

Lord, my life is in Your hands

Lord, I'm longing to see

Your desires revealed in me

I give myself away

I give myself away so You can use me

Take my heart

Take my life

As a living sacrifice

All my dreams, all my plans

Lord, I place them in Your hands

My life is not my own

To You I belong

I give myself, I give myself to You

The Shower Saga

Little pumpkin is in her bassinet winding down. I've started putting her in there when she gets really sleepy and she'll watch her mobile until she falls asleep. It's cute because she'll watch it and then stare at the side of the bed for a really long time. This happens over and over again until she falls asleep. I read somewhere that it's best if you can get them to fall asleep on their own so that they can put themselves back to sleep in the middle of the night when they wake up.

I'm going to blog about what happened to me tonight. It is of no interest or importance to anyone else, but it was a major source of stress for me and I really need to get it off my chest.

I was invited to a baby shower for a local pastor's wife tonight. It's not my usual crowd, but I was honored to be invited so I decided to go. I get me and Ainsley dressed to impress and headed out to a baby boutique to buy the gift on the way. I had left in just enough time (2 hrs early) to go buy the gift, drive across town to the restaurant, and feed Ainsley (in the car) before going in. I got into traffic and realized I wasn't going to make it to the boutique before it closed. I decided to call them to see if they'd stay open just five extra minutes. It's a privately owned store so I figured they'd want to make a sale. No. They wouldn't stay open. :( I couldn't think of any other place to go so I headed to Dillards. After picking an outfit that would "do" I went to the checkout counter. The cashier was super sweet, but was wanting me to give her advice on what her 1-month old nephew should wear to a funeral. She KEPT asking more questions. I guess she thought I was an expert since I'm a mother of a 2-month old. I wanted to say, "Look, Lady, I'm in a huge hurry! I know NOTHING about how to dress a newborn boy!" I didn't though. She was just so nice and other under circumstances, I'd have probably been thrilled to help her find something appropriate for her nephew who "loved his milk." I tried to give her my opinion in the nicest way possible.

I make it out of the store with an hour remaining. I still have to get across town and find the restaurant. I make it to the exit with 30 minutes left. I'm thinking that it is still doable. I drive around for THIRTY minutes trying to find the restaurant. I didn't have the person's number who invited me or anyone who would be in attendance. I call a restaurant in that chain - they have no clue where it is. I call 411 - they can't help. I finally gave up. I realized if I ever found the place, I would still have to feed Ainsley which would put me extremely late.

Shawn was out with some friends so I ended up just going to meet them. I am still so bummed that this all didn't work out for me. I just wanted to cry. All that work for NOTHING. Sometimes you just have to give up though. Now I'm just wondering do I keep the gift for Ainsley or still give it... :)

Doctor Day

We had Ainsley's two month doctor's appointment today. I had mixed emotions because I wanted to see how much she weighed now, but didn't want her to have to go through the pain of her vaccinations. My little pumpkin weighs 10 lbs and 5 oz now and is 22 and 1/4 inches long. The doctor said she was perfect. :) Of course we already knew that she was.

Not sure how other nursing moms feel, but it feels like an accomplishment and makes me so proud when I see that she's growing and reaching all of her milestones. I just want to pat myself on the back. :) How cool to know that I'm still the only source of my sweet baby's nourishment?! It's definitely not the easiest choice, but the best choice for my baby and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Okay, I have more to say but little angelface is fussing. Gotta go. ;)

It's been almost a week since I last posted. I kinda feel guilty about it too. :) It's been a full week. We're starting to get back into our old routine. Tuesday night = practice. Wednesday night = church. Friday night = youth. I also went to the church several days this week to work. I haven't gotten my at-home office set up yet. It's actually been fun to get dressed and go somewhere during the day, after weeks of staying in my pjs.

I feel like I'm finally starting to get the hang of things - although a few of my fb friends said I wouldn't ever adjust. I am starting to just relax and go with the flow. In my inexperienced opinion I think that is an important part of motherhood. I'm trying my hardest to go into every situation knowing that if Ainsley requires something, I will stop and do it and not worry about the consequences.

Ainsley has started cooing and make lots of little noises this week. She makes more each day. Mom is coming on Monday to stay with us for a couple days. Mainly because I feel like Ainsley has changed so much just in the last two weeks. I don't want her to miss too much. Really wish she lived closer. For her sake and mine.

Well, we've been out to eat thrice in the last 48 hours with baby girl. :) Are we brave are what?! Hehe. Believe it or not, it has worked out each time. She's not crazy about hanging out in her carseat when she isn't sleeping though. This means that we take turns eating and holding her. However, all three times the people eating with us have wanted to hold her for us. I'm sure eventually the newness will wear off and we'll get to deal with her. :) I won't be upset at all - I love holding her... even if it means waiting to eat until my food is cold.

In other news, the weirdest longing to be back in school has been haunting me since Saturday. I definitely know I couldn't take on a full load or even really more than 1 or 2 classes at the time. I'm going to continue to mull it over for a while. Obviously I couldn't actually start back until August. I would have to start making a few preparations now - take the dreaded GRE, apply to a few different programs, etc. The application process to grad school is much more complex than for a bachelor's degree. There are two Masters programs in Counseling that would complete the requirements for the LPC that I'm looking into. I could still be a full time mommy and be a counselor as I could schedule my own hours, etc - and only take as many clients as I wished. One a week or one a day.... Whatever. Who knows how I'll feel in several days.

PS - My little pumpkin just couldn't be any sweeter!

A busy day

After the morning feeding, I quickly handed baby girl off to daddy and headed to Target to get our weekly groceries. It was the first time I've been grocery shopping since Ainsley came. It was nice to get out of the house. I may start using that time to go to the gym in the mornings.

Got back from the store and had to start getting ready for a funeral that I had to play/sing for.

Then at 7 pm we had about 25 youth at our house. I'm glad everyone is gone now and we're back to our usual peace and quiet.... other than the occasional cries from Ainsley.

Speaking of our princess, she's been sleepy all day today. I'm thinking tonight might be a rough night since she napped pretty much all day. We'll see. She's fussing right now so I better go....

Back to "normal"

Mom is now gone, and Ainsley and I are back to our usual routine. I've gotten quite a bit done this morning. Folded some laundry, unloaded and reloaded dishwasher, hung up some clothes and started getting the maternity clothes out of my closet to move upstairs until next time. Pumpkin is swinging in her swing right now and smiling like a little doll.

Here's a pic of her today in a 0-3 sleeper! The newborn size sleeper that she wore last night was too small so I thought I'd see how this one fit today. My baby is growing...

During my pregnancy I got an email from a friend that so moved me. It was a devotional about mothers. Being that Shawn and I are so involved in ministry, it was hard for me to change my way of thinking about my involvement - although I plan to do as much as I can, things are different now. Anyway - I thought I'd post this devotional. It moved me again when I read it today. (I know it's kinda long... but, hey, this is my blog. I can do what I want. Hehe.)

You may have more in common with one of the great men of the Bible than you realize.

Example: He’s a shepherd in the desert of Median taking care of his sheep. He’s been a shepherd for forty years. It’s a lonely job. He doesn’t see a day when he will change jobs. His name is Moses.

One day it’s different. Moses sees a burning bush that defies being consumed by fire. In the burning bush he hears God say his name. Moses starts toward the bush, but God tells him to take off his shoes because he’s standing on holy ground.

God tells this ordinary shepherd that he has been chosen to go to Egypt to set god’s people free. “Who? Me? I’m just a shepherd!”

But God liked Moses’ credentials of faithfulness, and to get them on his resume he was given a temporary job assignment that produced steadfastness and allowed lonely times in the desert, which, in turn, gave him prime time to talk with God. He was being shaped and prepared for the Exodus Extravaganza.

God’s final statement carried Moses through some difficult times when Moses was trying to convince Pharaoh to let the people go. God told Moses that he wouldn’t have to go down to Egypt and carry out his job assignment “empty handed” … and you know the rest of the story.

What do you have in common with this great man of God? The day you arrived home with your baby, your first response to each day was imposed on you by a hungry baby’s wake-up call. Since then, you haven’t punched a time clock and you haven’t had regular coffee breaks. They don’t come with the job. It’s routine. You don’t see a day when you’ll change jobs.

Listen to the dynamics of your job! Every day you feed, clothe, talk to, hold your baby; you are standing on holy ground. You are caring for a human being who has been made in the image of God, and your baby has the potential of becoming one of God’s children. No one has to remind you what’s in store for God’s children.

You may not have long periods of time to spend with God, but you must create some times to be with him, not necessarily long times but prime times. Why? It’s the only sure way to overcome the sneaky techniques of a world that works overtime to keep you from understanding the depth of being faithful at your job as a mother.

During your Closet Times, you and God plan your counterattack against false advertising, and he helps you ignore the distorted voices of a secular world that is opposed to family as God designed it. Those are the voices that say, “Parenting takes too much time,” “You’ve got better things to do.” “Your baby is slowing you down and keeping you from being all you can be.” “Your child will never express his appreciation for all you’re doing.” “It’s not worth it!”

Closet Times help you distinguish God’s voice from other voices that deter you from being the mother you know you can be. They give God time to shape you and prepare you to lead your child through each phase of his life, even when you can’t see the end results of your hard work. And here’s the clincher: Every time you leave your Closet Time, you know you don’t have to face your God-called job empty-handed.